


True Love Never Dies

by xndh



Category: SHINee
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe, Blood, Blood Drinking, Character Turned Into Vampire, Darkness, Death, Depression, Desire, Despair, Drama, Love, M/M, Painplay, Romance, Sex, Vampire Sex, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17635751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xndh/pseuds/xndh
Summary: The love of Taemin’s life returns to him.From the dead.





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> ['Under My Skin' by Taemin is everything]  
> [EDIT: 'Monologue' broke me & left me for dead]  
> [Here's a related Pinterest board: https://fi.pinterest.com/x1nd4h/jongtae/ if you are curious ;) and have an account cause tbh without one it's just fuckery]
> 
> [The love of Taemin’s life returns]  
> [Drama ensues]  
> [I can’t decide if there’s too much or too little crying]  
> [This was going to be smutty but came out all romantic and dramatic and overemotional omfg]  
> [I'll be posting the other chapters once they're finalized. Pretty much everything is already written but I'm too much of a perfectionist so...]  
> [This is an AU, though I’d like to think it’s not… I'm weird that way]
> 
> [IMPORTANT. I'm touching the subject of death/suicide and its aftermath here; these are topics that I am familiar with irl. I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone and only have love towards J & T. If you find the contents offending, please discontinue reading this fic.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The lamp blinked twice and nearly went out, making Taemin jump. He spun around, looking at it incredulously. There was a strange smell, like something burning._
> 
> _“… great, just - “ he groaned, turning back to face the ocean and that approaching someone. The circle of light was now small and dim, and he backed away from its edge instinctively until his hand touched the cold metal at the center. He steadied himself against it and tried to control his nerves._

 

_This was insane. Just what the hell was he doing._

The beach was very quiet this time of the year. Beautiful. Lonely.

Taemin watched the sun go down, his eyes watering from staring straight into the blazing, golden orb slowly sinking towards the sea. It coated the clouds with an eerily bloody hue and set the horizon on fire before finally diving beneath the distant waves.

Too fast. Too slow. He shifted in anticipation, feeling the sand move beneath his sneakers, grinding against rock. A small breeze came from the sea, making him shiver slightly and bury his hands in his pockets.

_Totally insane, not to mention most likely a complete waste of his time. Why on earth had he agreed to this supposed meeting in the first place? What idol in their right mind would willingly go see a deranged fan out on some distant beach, at night, alone. Infuckingsane. So why could he not just get up and leave while he still had the chance?_

 

 

He knew full well why.

It had been over a year since… since.

Taemin didn’t want to think about it here and now, all alone. But he couldn’t help it; things just flooded his mind and put him in a foul mood.

He _knew_ he should have moved on by now. Somehow.

Of course everyone thought he had. That’s what he’d been telling them in between fake smiles once he’d realized it was expected of him. That a) he was grateful of their time together. That he would b) never forget and c) always cherish the memories.

Only they didn’t know he and his hyung had been more than friends. A select few knew, of course. But they were all swallowed by their own grief to be of any help. He was alone in it.

 

The truth was Jonghyun’s suicide cut Taemin so deep he went straight to numb and skipped the part where he should have been feeling pain. Everything fell apart around him but he himself remained intact. Everyone else cried so much he thought they would drown in their tears. His own never came.

He had expected it to hit him at some point, but it never did. So he couldn’t move on. Honestly, he didn’t even want to.

And eventually he just shut down his dysfunctional heart. From there on out his love belonged to music and dancing, and only that. He put all his energy into improving himself, becoming a bigger and better performer. He would give it his absolute all. But there was nothing outside that focus. He would never give himself to another human being. He wasn’t sure there was anything left of him to give.

He found some sort of joy and comfort in doing his own thing. If he tried hard enough, he could manage.

Taemin tried. So hard. And he managed. And everyone told him how brave he was.

 

But then, later into the following winter he started getting texts. He ignored the first two, thinking it was a wrong number or something because they came from apparently different senders and were pretty vague and could easily be for someone else. But the third one was about Jonghyun, and it scared him really bad, but just when he was about to file a stalker report he received a fourth one, with content that was too much to show anyone and not have the most private parts of his life exposed.

How could someone know all these things about him? And how the hell did they get his number?? He was furious. He changed it, but they found out the new one like it was posted all over town or something.

There was one text that particularly bothered him. A short, random “ _it wasn’t your fault”_.

Taemin had instantly recalled how busy he'd been throughout the previous year, how he’d rarely found time, any _real_ time for his lover. How he’d refused to see how bad things truly had gotten. Jonghyun’s mood swings were nothing new to him; he’d always been very emotional, flying so high and sinking so low so in a heartbeat. Nothing new. And yet Taemin had found it so hard to come to terms with his depression. He never knew what to do so he just completely withdrew from it and left it for others to deal with.

 _How could it_ not _be his fault._

So the reason Taemin had agreed to meeting with his stalker was quite obvious. He had to make them stop. He couldn’t handle the kind of memories their messages kept bringing up. Or the regret or the guilt.

But his true motive... Taemin was ashamed to admit to himself how desperate he was. Something about the circumstances of Jonghyun’s death confused him. There _had_ to be more to it, but he couldn’t figure out what. It haunted him. And now this someone, this crazy person claimed to have something that belonged to Taemin, something of Jonghyun’s, something that would make him understand.

He felt violated. But also just... desperate. For anything. Anything. A part of him wanted to believe he would get the answers he so needed.

 

 

Taemin sneezed. The water had turned dark blue and there was only a faint glow left on the horizon. The wind was picking up, the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore getting distinctively louder. Taemin could feel the cold starting to settle in his bones.

“ _at night just after sundown,”_ the last text read.

There was a small, sudden sound like an electric hum starting from the lonely lamp post near him. Then a flicker, and then the beach and the ocean vanished, melding together and conforming to the darkness that swallowed everything around the light.

It took him a few minutes to start seeing shapes again. The old lamp post blinked every now and then, the yellow, uneven light illuminating a portion of the beach and reaching the edge of the large, flat sliver of rock Taemin was perched on.

“ _right as if. im not_ that _stupid,”_ he had replied.

Yet here he was. Alone. In the dark. Without the taser he’d sworn to bring. Cold. Numb.

Desperate. So alone.

 

His teeth started chattering. He hugged himself and rubbed his hands up and down his arms and torso a few times, and then went for his phone in his breast pocket. Why couldn’t he have picked something warmer than skinny jeans and this stupid ass imitation leather jacket?

He wiped his nose, glancing at the screen.

He’d been out on the beach for over an hour.

_Alright. Time to get the fuck outta here. Obviously no one’s coming._

Taemin’s shoulders sank in disappointment, but then he felt a quick surge of anger in his gut, and he sprang to his feet in one swift motion. He brushed the sand off his jeans and dropped down from his rock.

“Idiot… you fucking idiot,” he scolded himself out loud, “You got played. Wouldn’t be the first. What, you really, really actually thought - “

He froze mid-sentence.

_What was that now._

He stared out into the dark, squinting his eyes.

There.

A vertical silhouette, stark black against the white cresting waves. Definitely there and not his imagination. Moving now and changing shape, growing taller.

So someone _was_ out here after all. And now they were coming straight towards him. At a leisurely pace. With intent.

_Shit._

The lamp blinked twice and nearly went out, making Taemin jump. He spun around, looking at it incredulously. There was a strange smell, like something burning.

“… great, just - “ he groaned, turning back to face the ocean and that approaching someone. The circle of light was now small and dim, and he backed away from its edge instinctively until his hand touched the cold metal at the center. He steadied himself against it and tried to control his nerves.

The stranger slowed their step and stopped some twenty feet from Taemin, conveniently hidden in the half-light. It seemed like a _he_ , maybe about the same height as Taemin but with broader shoulders and a more muscular build. Probably a lot stronger than him. Taemin swallowed. The man was draped in dark, flowy but fitting clothes, and what seemed like a hood over his head, casting a shadow, concealing his features.

_Yeah… not creepy. Not at all._

Taemin just stood there and stared, his back and left foot against the lamp post, arms crossed over his chest, trying to hide behind his hair. The wind seemed to disagree with him, tossing the newly bleached, overgrown strands annoyingly about his face and neck.

Neither one of them spoke at first.

Then a “Hello” from the man, in a low and even tone, “I’m so glad you came. I really wanted to see you.”

Taemin remained silent. He didn’t move. Or breathe.

“You’ve let your hair grow. I didn’t think you’d ever go back to that... It’s a good look on you.” A pause. “My favorite.”

Taemin shuddered, then shook his head once. The wind and the crashing waves muffled the man’s voice but still he thought there was something familiar to it. It alarmed him.

“Who are you. Stop hiding in the shadows, coward,” Taemin demanded, trying to sound menacing.

The other man said nothing. He didn’t come any closer either, only shifted his weight.

A silence fell between them again.

Taemin grew impatient first.

“Know what, fuck this. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you want. Just do what you came here to do. Give me… whatever it is you have for me and get the hell out, and never - _ever_ \-  contact me again, _you hear me_?!”

It came out almost a shout, leaving him shaking a little as he drew in a deep breath and held it, waiting for the other to respond.

“Taemin…”

“AND DON’T say my name like that, like you know me, you crazy fuck. Because you don’t, whatever you think. You don’t know me. Nobody does! Nobody will.”

Taemin was surprised at the words falling out of his mouth, but he was too flustered to really care. He was getting angry now, adrenaline rushing through his system. He clenched his fists and stood his ground defiantly.

The other man seemed unaffected, but Taemin could feel his gaze all over him, boring into him like… he wasn’t sure but it felt like hunger. That made him extremely uncomfortable.

_Get a hold of yourself. Don’t let this sucker get to you. Breathe._

_Just breathe._

_There._

“Alright look, just -- let’s get this over with, ok,” he forced a more agreeable tone. If the stranger really had something for him - something from Jonghyun - he needed to have it, not drive the other away before he could get it. He sighed and made a small gesture with his hand.

“I’m… very tired of… of all this…” his voice trailed away. He felt so small all of a sudden.

The man cocked his head as if assessing the situation.

“Yes. I have something for you,” he spoke again, “something only I can give. It’s very personal you see. But I’m afraid that if I place it in your hands you might… be disappointed.”

Taemin snorted. Like he fucking cared what the stranger thought or felt.

“And… if you don’t like it now, if you don’t want it anymore… “ the man’s voice cracked, if only just a bit.

_Wait._

Taemin narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘anymore’.”

“I… ”

“In your text you said you had something of _his_ ,” Taemin gritted his teeth, “But now you’re talking like it’s something _I_ had before? What the fuck man. Are you trying to tell me you’ve somehow _stolen_ from me? That it’s something you _took_? From _me_? Make sense you _fucking bastard..._ “

Taemin was so disgusted, so exhausted he couldn’t even look at him anymore. His brain kept nagging at him, telling him something was off, that something was about to go _terribly_ wrong but he refused to listen.

The man sighed heavily. Then, he took one careful step towards Taemin, leather boots creaking, sheer black tunic flapping in the wind. And then came the softest voice, just barely audible, full of sadness and regret.

“I’m sorry, Minnie… “ He reached out with his hand as he spoke, lamp light bouncing off the many rings on his fingers. “ _... so sorry._ ”

The hair at the back of Taemin's neck stood up. His eyes snapped up to the man’s obscured face.

_That voice. What kind of a sick joke was this._

“Please… _Taeminnie --_ “ His words were mere whispers, and yet they echoed everywhere.

_Oh no. Hell no_

Recognition hit him like a wave of ice, shaking him abruptly, violently. Taemin clamped a hand over his mouth and stumbled backwards.

“ -- this is… not the way I wanted things to go, Taem, believe me.”

_that just. can. not be. cantbecantbecantbecant_

“Please believe me.”

_whatisthiswhatthefuck. thefuck. no. oh no no no NO NO._

The man stepped into the light and met Taemin’s wild eyes, and then there was no air to breathe. Then there was nothing.

Just the sound of his heart grinding to a screeching halt in his chest.

“H-hyung -- ?” he mouthed.

_am i going to die_

 

Silent, silvery tears were streaming down the other man’s face, glistening sharply like knives.

 

Taemin’s vision went black.

 


	2. Reverie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When Taemin finally spoke, his voice was small, like a child’s._
> 
> _“You are real. This is real.”_
> 
> _“I am. It is.” Jonghyun tried to control his shaking hands._
> 
> _Taemin was looking at him like a stranger._

 

Jonghyun couldn’t stop crying.

Slumped down on the sand, he held Taemin protectively in his arms, pressing him against his chest, stroking his delicate face. His shoulders twitched as his tears fell and fell and fell, as he waited for his white-haired angel to regain consciousness.

He had dreamed and dreaded this moment for so long.

Too long. Under no circumstances would he have let him suffer like this, had it been his call -- he would have gone straight to Taemin the first chance he got. But that’s not how things worked anymore.

Time may have lost its meaning for him, but not for Taemin. He feared for his mortal heart. Strong-willed and stubborn as he may be, he was also incredibly fragile. Especially now, after everything. Jonghyun couldn’t imagine what life must have been like for him these past long months.

Jonghyun let his gaze wander across the gray masses of water rolling endlessly back and forth. He feared what was still to come.

 

It wasn’t long until Taemin stirred. Sighing deeply, he blinked his eyes open very slowly, as if waking from a dream.

Jonghyun fixed him with a fond look, trying to smile. Tears dropping down on Taemin’s face; on his flushed cheeks, on his perfect, perfect lips.

And when Taemin smiled back up at him he thought he couldn’t bear it; the only smile he knew that could save him; that radiant miracle he’d so terribly missed.

Taemin smiled and smiled. Jonghyun felt dizzy.

“Are you real? Is this real?” Taemin’s voice was incredibly soft, brimming with such hope that it rendered Jonghyun speechless. He just nodded, vigorously and repeatedly, short bursts of sobs erupting from him.

 

Taemin stared in awe, just batting his eyes, feeling all kinds of weak. His mind was working, though very sluggishly, trying to put the puzzle together.

_How? How was this possible?_

He lifted his fingers to Jonghyun’s face. At the touch, his body suddenly caught up.

Taemin’s head could wait. His heart wanted things.

He gasped for air like it was the first breath of his life, and tangling his fingers in the folds of Jonghyun’s tunic he pulled himself up and threw his arms around his neck. He crashed his lips hard to Jonghyun’s, eyes fluttering shut, drawing his hyung into a searing kiss, sighing into his mouth in bliss, so deep and overwhelming it ripped Jonghyun’s guts right out.

Jonghyun gathered Taemin in his arms and held him tight, trying to give him everything. Melting, sobbing, shaking. Embracing him, touching him, kissing him again and again, holding on so hard.

Reluctantly letting go when he felt him pull back for air.

 

Still stunned and smiling, eyes glittering crescents, Taemin searched Jonghyun’s face. His pale skin was shimmering in the low light, and his irides displayed so many hues.

“You’re beautiful.” _So beautiful._

_Contacts?_

Gently, Taemin kissed away his tears like he’d done so many times before, the familiar gesture causing Jonghyun to choke. Taemin’s heart sang; _I know you so well. I’m the only one. I always was._

Salty. Bittersweet. And… something else?

_What._

Nothing and everything made sense at the same time. Like connecting and disconnecting over and over, and he was intoxicated and totally hyper. And maybe his mind was trying to tell him something, but right now he didn’t want to hear it.

_Alive. I am alive._

“Jonghyun.”

He found his hands, gazing deep in his strange, gleaming eyes, and laced their fingers together. And then he kissed him again, longing, lingering, and GOD how he suddenly wanted him, just… _god_. He let out the smallest whimper, and Jonghyun responded immediately, sucking Taemin’s tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss.

_Love you. Need you._

The taste of iron was definitely stronger now. _Same as the tears just moments ago, remember?_

_Shut up, brain._

Icy hands slipped underneath his shirt, ghosting over his chest, circling around. They slid down to his hips, pressing harder, making him moan. Louder.

_No, always hot. Hot around his naked waist at night, sweaty against his back, burning his skin holding him down, rocking him to ecstasy._

Taemin climbed onto Jonghyun’s lap, lightheaded, panting. _So fast._ Ground against him, messy and whining. _Too fast._ Pressed his heart to Jonghyun’s, beating so hard, one rhythm, together.

Jonghyun’s heart.

_What about it?_

_“... Jonghyun?”_

_You already know. Say it!_

 

Jonghyun stopped because Taemin had stopped.

He opened his eyes to witness a change creeping over his beloved. Taemin went completely motionless, staring down at him, eyes still, dark and wide, his face turning gray. His fingers gripped his shirt, as if to just to hold onto something. His breathing was shallow and uneven.

The red haze of desire dissolved and Jonghyun became acutely alarmed. Taemin didn’t move or speak. He didn’t even blink.

Jonghyun swallowed thickly.

“What is it. What’s wrong.” His voice was hoarse and his throat kept tightening. Taemin’s eyes were glazing over.

“It’s alright, I’m here _I’m right here Taemin._ You’re scaring me, baby, tell me what’s wrong. Please. I’m… I’m right here.”

 Suddenly he was close to collapsing. Fear was taking over him, raging through him, threatening to eclipse everything.

“Taemin. _Please._ Taeminnie, I can’t take it.”

When Taemin finally spoke, his voice was small, like a child’s.

“You are real. This is real.”

“I am. It is.” Jonghyun tried to control his shaking hands.

Taemin was looking at him like a stranger.

“Yes. Only - ” His tone was measured, glasslike. And it destroyed Jonghyun when he asked, “Is it still… _you_.”

For a moment Jonghyun just stared at him, Taemin’s words stabbing him, over and over.

“Am I still... ” his bottom lip began to quiver and he bit down on it hard, unable to go on. He averted his eyes, wanting to disappear.

 

Taemin’s fingers tugged gently, mercilessly at his shirt. When Jonghyun looked up again he saw Taemin’s gaze become diamond hard.

_What. are. you._

 

 But he already knew.


	3. Ex Noctem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Taemin blinked at him._
> 
> _“You’re going to leave me.” His voice was suddenly void of all feeling._
> 
> _Jonghyun tried to be as encouraging as he could despite the anxiety churning at his stomach._
> 
> _“It’s just for a little while. You have a lot to think about without me interfering. It’s not the _only_ way, we can still be together even if you don’t become a… Please don’t look at me like that. Just listen."_

 

Taemin stood at the edge of the water, facing the horizon. His jeans were smeared with dirt and his shoes were wet through. Both probably ruined. Wave after wave after wave he watched, listening to the ocean rumbling. He spotted another shell and crouched down on one knee to pick it up. Playing with it, he began pacing back and front on the sandy stretches. Again.

The wind, persistent and irritating in his dampened hair and whipping it every which way, showed no signs of dying down. Taemin was so cold his fingers and toes were numb, but somehow that made things easier for his head.

 

Jonghyun waited, sprawled on the sand, leaning his back against the rock Taemin had been sitting on earlier. He was utterly spent, feeling achy and vulnerable. The fickle old lamp post had gone out a while ago, but the moon was almost full and high up in the cloudless sky, lighting the beach enough for him to see effortlessly. He wouldn’t let Taemin out of his sight, watching him watching the sea.

There was so much he’d wanted to say. But all he’d been able to get out was how and when he was turned. That it had not been his call. That he had tried to return to Taemin right away but wasn’t allowed. And then some basics about his new… circumstance.

Taemin had listened, very quiet and very still, inserting a question now and then. In time his eyes had softened a little, looking more wary than flat out rejecting. But all the while he’d withdrawn from Jonghyun and kept to himself, hugging his legs, chin resting on his knees. He’d looked almost transparent.

It struck Jonghyun as odd that Taemin seemed to have no difficulty accepting what he was saying. When Jonghyun told him about a darker, different world that coexisted with Taemin’s he just sat unflinching, studying him, nodding like it made perfect sense to him. The word ‘vampire’ felt so weird and clumsy on his tongue, but every time he said it Taemin’s expression altered slightly, becoming sort of hazy and curious. It was always so fleeting Jonghyun wasn’t sure what he really saw, and so he just rambled on nervously about some silly details, trying to sound reassuring, most likely failing miserably.

Anyway. It took him forever to get even that much out, and there was so much more, all these important things... But when he’d paused for several minutes, not knowing how to proceed, Taemin had gotten up and said he needed time to process. Then he’d walked to the water’s edge and began staring at the waves and pacing back and forth, back and forth.

 

Jonghyun looked at his phone. Still relatively early. Still plenty of time to somehow get through this. Get them both through this.

_And hunt._

He flinched at the realization - he would have to do it for the second time tonight; he could just tell by the way his hunger was gnawing at his existence, demanding attention. The long awaited reunion had drained him on all levels.

“Taemin,” he called out quietly.

No answer.

“... Taemin- _ah_ … “

He didn’t want to rush him. But it was not like they could just _not_ talk and instead --

The memory caught him by surprise. A punch in the gut.

_The two of them out there alone all night, roaming around the city aimlessly, speeding down an open highway, blowing out his car speakers. Taemin insisting on grabbing some takeout and then getting food all over the seats, laughing and laughing, stopping in the middle of nowhere to make out, touching too much, driving back all messed up and horny, Taemin teasing him like the brat he was, and finally - finally! - crashlanding on Jonghyun’s bed, wrestling hard, ragged and heavy breaths, sheets getting mussed up, wriggling out of their clothes and..._

Jonghyun’s insides hurt, twisted in a tight knot. It seemed like a lifetime ago... He felt tears welling up in his eyes anew. So many regrets. In that moment, he would have given his right arm for a chance to go back to when...

 

Thirty minutes later, or more, who knew, Jonghyun got up. He walked languidly towards Taemin, who was now sat on the wet sand, legs folded under him, hands in his sleeves.

He said nothing, just flopped down beside Taemin.

The two sat in silence for a time, gazing at the dark sea.

It was Taemin who spoke first.

“Are you going to leave me again? Because if you are, I’d rather be dead.”

Completely unanticipated. Jonghyun choked.

“I want to be with you.” Taemin turned until they were face to face. Had he been crying? He never cried. The traces of tears across his cheeks were fresh, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. Locks of blond hair were sticking to his jaw and forehead. His expression was resolute but so pained that Jonghyun suspected he would fall apart any second. _You’re too beautiful, I never knew anything could be this beautiful. You’re breaking me._

“Take me with you.” Taemin’s whispered, like a prayer. His slender fingers closed around Jonghyun’s wrist, a touch so gentle Jonghyun shivered. His unnatural, unbeating heart wanted to explode.

“I… “ Jonghyun tried to speak but his voice cracked, so he just put his hand on top of Taemin’s.

_“All the way.”_

Taemin held his gaze. This was no joke.

They hadn’t even talked about it and he’d already made up his mind. This wasn’t what Jonghyun had expected. Had he actually expected something? Hoped for something? _Yes._ But now that Taemin put it to words, he began questioning the whole thing.

He cleared his throat. A couple of times.

“I _want_ to, Tae. I do. But it’s not that simple. Or - or maybe it is, but you have to think about it. Like. Long. And hard. This… existence is nothing if not melancholy. I’m not sure it would be right for you.”

He hesitated.

“There’s - I mean - it’s _death_ , Taemin. And not just the one time, when it’s yours. It’s always death from then on, all around, every night you wake up. I can’t say it’s all bad. It’s not. It can be anything you want, almost. But you never wanted to die the way I did, you never… “ Jonghyun’s voice trailed away. Some things were still too painful to speak about.

Taemin waited for Jonghyun to continue.

A minute passed.

“It’s not like I haven’t been touched by darkness in my life, Jonghyunnie,” Taemin finally said softly, eyes glistening with emotion, looking too deep into Jonghyun’s.

It struck Jonghyun to the core. He struggled.

“ _God_ , Tae… what I did… I never _ever_ meant to cause you so much suffering. I just… had to end mine, I-I couldn’t, I… “ Jonghyun squeezed Taemin’s hand hard. He dropped his head and began crying again, dry, clenched sobs, for he had no more tears left in his body.

Taemin sighed and fell silent for a while. When he spoke, there was a new seriousness to his voice.

“That’s not quite what I meant, hyung. Maybe I’ve never been so without hope as you were. And maybe I’ve never wanted to kill myself. But I am _not_ unfamiliar with... there’s a different kind of shadow in me, deep within. It’s not destructive. It’s… just different. But that area of me is private. No exceptions. Yes… that includes you, I’m sorry.”

He pursed his lips for a bit.

“I’m not going to get into it right now. But. Just so you know.”

Jonghyun looked like he was going to say something, so Taemin rushed to continue.

“But since you brought it up… I haven’t forgiven you. Don’t think that I have. And I definitely haven’t forgiven myself. Over a year ago, hell, a lot longer than that, when I couldn’t face what you were going through and just went about doing my own stuff… I can’t forgive myself for abandoning you like that.”

Jonghyun couldn’t look at him. He was too ashamed, but also utterly confounded. Taemin rarely spoke this much. And he never opened up like this.

“I _know_ we cannot ultimately save one another. If someone truly wants to die they will find a way. But we must _try_ , always. I could’ve saved you that night. I know I could’ve. If I’d been closer to you, eyes open, giving more of a shit. And I won’t even say sorry because it will never be enough.”

Taemin reached out his free hand, gingerly cupping Jonghyun’s chin, lifting it up until their eyes met.

“But I’ll be damned if I fuck this up again. If I let you leave me again,” he smiled as he spoke, a single tear rolling down his cheek, “If I had the power, I would take us back in time, like a few years. Fix things. Fix you the best I could.” He stroked Jonghyun’s cheek with frozen fingertips. “I can’t. But if this is a second chance… I may not fully know what I’m getting into. Only that I love you and _will not_ be without you. Ever again. Do you understand me.”

Jonghyun melted to the touch and let Taemin take the lead, let him press their lips together, bury themselves in each other’s arms, disappear for a precious little while. The world fell away and for a fleeting second it was just like before, just Jonghyun and Taemin and nothing and no one else, and he remembered everything, every single good and bright thing, and --

And then he felt it, and the moment was over. His _hunger_. Betraying him, betraying them both. It was getting dangerous for Taemin to be around him.

Jonghyun pulled away, taking Taemin’s hands in his, littering kisses all over his fingers. He would have to go soon. How on earth could he?

“I understand,” he said, searching Taemin’s face, trying to convince him, “But this is all too much, too soon... I have to ask you to reconsider. Please. Take time to think this through, that’s all I’m saying. A week or two or. Get your head around it. And then let’s meet again. How’s that sound? Hmm? Baby..?”

He was rushing it now. It felt so wrong but what choice did he have.

Taemin blinked at him.

“You’re going to leave me.” His voice was suddenly void of all feeling.

Jonghyun tried to be as encouraging as he could despite the anxiety churning at his stomach.

“It’s just for a little while. You have a lot to think about without me interfering. It’s not the _only_ way, we can still be together even if you don’t become a… Please don’t look at me like that. Just listen. You have a real choice here, Minnie. You have a say. It’s important. I wasn’t given that, I told you, remember - “

“I do,” Taemin snapped. Just like that, he was out of patience, and maybe he was scared out of his wits as well, “I also remember you telling me there were rules. A hierarchy. Obedience. And things that must always remain secret.”

Jonghyun recoiled at the sudden change. “What?”

“You said it yourself that -- you don’t recall? For fuck’s sake, Jjong! ‘Under no circumstances are mortals allowed to know about our existence’. Your own words! _Jesus_.” Taemin’s eyes flickered, dark and distressed.

“I… told you that much, I guess,” Jonghyun shook his head trying to focus and remember everything that was said. It was difficult now, getting more so by the second. He let go of Taemin’s hands and felt a slight relief, if only temporary.

“So what exactly are they going to do if they find out - and from what you’ve told me I think they already know - that you’ve exposed yourself to me? Huh? Did _you_ think this through?” Taemin was tensing up. He rose to his knees and his arms flailed around as he spoke, “Tell me you have a plan. If it’s not to turn me - and killing me was never an option obviously - what, then? Why are you trying to talk me out of it when it really is the only way, I mean _come on_ ! You think you can just come back from the dead and fuck me up like this and then leave? _Again?!_ ” he demanded, furious.

“There’s... no plan, I just needed to see you again the first chance I got, and I… I… ” Jonghyun managed, almost reeling from the amplifying scent of blood. Taemin’s agitation only added to it. And then he didn’t know why he was saying it, things just came to his head, then out of his mouth:  “There’s options. I can make you… forget this ever happened, if it’s for the best. I don’t want to do it, but at least you’d get to go back to your life… ”

Jonghyun’s need to feed was growing exponentially. He turned away so as to not stare at Taemin’s flushing features or at the smooth skin of his neck beneath which a vein was visibly throbbing.

“WHAT?!” Taemin shouted, unaware of the escalating threat. He jumped to his feet, inadvertently spattering sand all over Jonghyun’s face. “You would do _what_ to me? Are you _fucking insane_ ! If it’s for the best? _Whose_ best? Yours or mine? _Theirs?_ Why are you pretending it’s my call because clearly it’s not, despite this ‘choice’ crap? This is _my_ life we’re talking about. MY. FUCKING. LIFE.”

Taemin was shaking now, breath wheezing, hands balled into fists. The air around him reeked of blood; his heartbeat was like drums booming in Jonghyun’s ears.

And then Jonghyun was standing up as well, and he didn’t realize until he saw Taemin stagger back that he’d moved too fast for the human eye to perceive. “Get away from me,” he hissed through his teeth. A strong gust of wind came from the sea, throwing his hair away from his face, revealing his burning black eyes.

At first, Taemin just stood and stared in shock. Then, gradually, realization crept over him.

“You… look exhausted. Drained,” he blurted out, still staring stupidly, but suddenly so concerned that he seemed to forget his own rage.

“I’m fine,” Jonghyun snapped back at him, more angrily than he’d meant. “ _Sorry._ You’ve done nothing wrong, it’s…” he lifted a hand to his forehead, trying to clear his head.

“You need blood,” Taemin observed, like it was the most natural thing to say.

Jonghyun just glared at him. “Yeah. That kind of comes with the deal. I… thought I was good but… I’ve really got to go. Right now. I’m sorry, I truly - “

“Take mine.” Taemin said quickly, sounding a little off. Too calm. And. Something.

Jonghyun winced. The mere thought of it terrified him. It was the _one thing_ he’d decided to deny himself. And yet… _and yet._

“Taemin. No.”

“You need it.” _I need it. Just. If this is the… last time I ever… I need to..._

 _“Taemin… “_ Jonghyun meant to take a step back but instead moved towards him, his motions so fluid and predatory he had to check himself, “... I would never ask this of you.” But there was no way he could hide his lust, so blatant in his stare boring into Taemin’s flesh.

Taemin took a shuddering breath and lifted his chin, pouting slightly. He wrapped his arms around himself, as if clutching his jacket would help hold him together.

“I’m offering it to you. I want you to do it. I… _need to know._ ” He bit his lower lip, and then looked straight at Jonghyun with a very certain longing. Blushing, eyes shy with a hint of… something else.

_What._

Jonghyun couldn’t quite figure it out. He swallowed thickly but didn’t move. He still had enough willpower to remove himself from the situation. He knew he should.

“ _Please_ , Jonghyun.”

Without a warning Taemin closed the distance between them. He lifted a hand up to Jonghyun’s face, fingers brushing at his cheek again, then slipping in his sleek, black hair. He pressed their foreheads together, aligning their bodies, and wrapped his other hand around Jonghyun’s shoulders.

He was so warm and he smelled so, so sweet. Taemin’s scent had always been Jonghyun’s fatal weakness, and now it was spiked with that of blood, and it was just way way too much.

Taemin licked his lips and leaned in to kiss Jonghyun once, still shy and so tender, and then he tilted his head, baring his throat for him, and _gods_ how Jonghyun ached for him...

“Do it.” Taemin’s eyes were gleaming just a little too bright.

_Ohhh… so that’s what it was._

“You crazy brat…” Jonghyun grunted. His hands moved almost of their own accord, one to Taemin’s waist pulling him close, coaxing a whimper from his plush lips; the other to his chest, slowly climbing up to his neck, caressing the jawline.

Taemin squirmed in his hold, breath brushing past Jonghyun’s face, warm and inviting. Hunger was screaming in Jonghyun’s brain, but he now knew he could satisfy it at will, so he chose to delay just a bit longer.

“You sure about this..?” he asked, drawing out his words. Threading his fingers through Taemin’s hair, gripping it lightly, causing him to let out a small whine.

“I’m sure… I trust you,” Taemin whispered in a low, breathy voice, gazing at Jonghyun from under his lashes.

Jonghyun groaned and lowered his mouth to Taemin’s neck, moving his lips slowly down to the pulse point. Intoxicating. Deafening. Through his thickening desire Jonghyun felt Taemin getting hard. He smiled against the hot skin.

“You... like this, don’t you,” he purred.

Taemin whined again, and then moaned loudly when Jonghyun grabbed his hair harder and bent his neck until his back arched and he was drawn tight like bowstring against Jonghyun’s body. Shivering in anticipation, breath hitching, fingers digging into his hyung’s shoulders through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Jonghyun’s lips pulled back and his fangs grazed Taemin’s skin, making him gasp.

“Can’t say I haven’t dreamed of this,” Jonghyun murmured against Taemin’s throat, “I want you... _so bad_ , beautiful.”

In response, Taemin ground his hips against Jonghyun’s, almost desperate and already beyond words.

“Want to give it to me? Huh?” Jonghyun ran his tongue along Taemin’s neck, one long, rude swipe, “ _Then give it to me_.” He sank his teeth in.

 

Despair raged through Taemin like wildfire. Jonghyun’s ice cold lips on his skin, his fiery hot fangs biting deep into his neck. Blood rushing, wailing, rejoicing. Drenching his entire existence with desire and terror, thundering in his body and his brain like a chain of multiplying, expanding orgasms; a final climax he would only reach when his heart stopped and his last breath escaped his lips.

Taemin cried out, clutching at Jonghyun, clinging to him, holding on and on and on, never wanting it to stop. So glorious. So painful. His body was spasming and shaking, fighting back and coming apart as he approached the edge, his head just reeling and reeling.

And then came the tears; the most bitter and poisonous ones; swelling up deep inside him, rising like a nightmarish flood. Threatening to drown him, then pouring out of him instead. Unrelenting. Joyless.

All the while he felt Jonghyun in him, heard him singing to him, whispering in his veins. Speaking to him without words, begging him to surrender, promising eternity and darkness and death.

He wanted to disintegrate.

 

Taemin’s blood was coursing through Jonghyun’s preternatural flesh, fulfilling and torturing him, making him yearn for more, making it so hard to stop. When he withdrew, Taemin was left utterly senseless, slender body gone limp, completely exhausted.

Jonghyun licked his lips and shuddered at the taste, then forced himself to look down.

“Baby… you alright?” he whispered throatily.

Taemin just sighed, eyes closed, tears still flowing, looking so angelic it brought tears to Jonghyun’s eyes as well.

He gathered Taemin in his arms, brushing the silvery strands away from his face.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you. I’ll take you home.”

  

 

Taemin didn’t exactly have the strength to resist as Jonghyun tucked him to bed. His head was still spinning, and he was tired beyond anything.

When he was sure Taemin was warm and comfortable, Jonghyun sat on the bed beside him and began stroking his hair. Smiling gently, multicolored eyes flickering in the low light. His mutedly shimmering skin seemed a few shades darker.

“Don’t go.” Taemin managed and then sniffled feebly, scrunching his face. “Please… ”

Jonghyun just looked at him, his smile bittersweet.

Without saying a word he pulled his hand away and lifted it to his lips. Taemin’s breath caught in his throat as Jonghyun bared his fangs and pierced his own skin, frowning slightly at the sensation.

He then held his hand out, watching dark crimson droplets gather on his fingertips. He turned his gaze to Taemin.

“This is for you. The others will sense that you’re marked and leave you alone.”

_For now. Hopefully._

There were no guarantees.

Taemin’s lips parted with astonishment and he just stared at his hyung. Then, he lifted his head slightly off the pillow, and Jonghyun lowered his hand and slipped the two bloodied digits in his mouth.

Taemin ran his tongue over the prick wounds. The sensation was electrifying; the blood was like liquid fire, burning white hot, igniting a thirst he never knew he had. He sat up to gain a better angle and began sucking slowly, eyes still fixed on Jonghyun’s. Jonghyun made a low sound, tilting his head backwards, knitting his brow as he watched Taemin.

“ _Gods_ you make me wanna… hhh…” he groaned as Taemin’s tongue swirled around his fingers again, so eager and shameless, and yet so innocent.

Too soon he retreated, and was out of Taemin’s reach, leaving him whimpering at the loss, intoxicated and swooning. His head fell back and his eyes fluttered shut, so heavy all of a sudden, and he was so drowsy now. He felt Jonghyun press a kiss on his forehead.

_don’t go_

“Now. Two weeks. Think about everything I said... Nothing comes without a price.”

Taemin was already asleep.

 

  

When Taemin woke up, he was alone.

He got up and walked to the window, pulled the blinds and stared out into the far horizon. It was very early still; nautical twilight at best.

He felt a dull sting of pain and lifted a hand to his neck. The wounds were still there, fresh and throbbing.

The thought of Jonghyun was more than he could bear.

_why_

_do I deserve this_

_I wasn’t there either when you needed me the most_

Taemin was inconsolable so he tried to just sleep some more, but that only resulted in him having horrible nightmares.

  
And they found him, constant as his solitude, every night since. Every time he closed his eyes. Every dream he dreamed ended with him on that cold, dark, desolate beach.

Alone.

 

The next two weeks would be the longest of his life.


	4. Elegy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Jealous?” Taemin cocked an eyebrow, and then added the slightest, resentful smirk._
> 
> _Jonghyun’s entire body went stiff and he seemed to grow taller somehow. He shot Taemin a murderous look. “Don’t get cute with me.” No, he wasn’t jealous. He was flat out possessive._
> 
> _“Mmmh.” Taemin’s lips curled into a bitter smile. It was painful and he was too worn out. But somehow he managed._
> 
> _I hate you. I _want_ to hate you._
> 
> _He pushed himself upright and walked the few steps up to Jonghyun._

 

“I thought you quit.”

“I did.”

Taemin took a long draw on his cigarette. The smoke swirled around him, slowly vanishing into the night air.

“You gonna offer me one or not?”

Taemin gave Jonghyun a sideways look.

“You don’t even smoke.”

Jonghyun shrugged.

“Neither do you.”

Taemin sighed. Reluctantly, he abandoned the shadowy nook he’d been standing in and started towards Jonghyun, crossing the spacious balcony very slowly.

Jonghyun watched him as he approached. Barefoot, wearing a casual blue shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. His silvery white hair was neatly done in a semi bun which brought out his elegant, androgynous features. A few loose strands floated like dandelion fluff in the light wind. He smelled of cigarettes and clean cotton and…

Taemin dug into his pockets and handed Jonghyun one from his pack of slims, then flicked his lighter. He held it up, watching his hyung closely over the small flame. Jonghyun noted that his hand was shaking a little.

Jonghyun felt uneasy. Apart from the outfit and the slightly longer hair, Taemin looked exactly like he did five years ago, that night they crossed the boundaries of friendship and threw themselves into this hot, messy fling. He still remembered it quite vividly… and the many nights that followed, soon leading to actual dating and eventually to a serious, albeit somewhat dysfunctional relationship. He had wished then that the two of them could just _disappear._

He still did. Would it be so hard now? The rules had changed. He didn’t know.

Besides. Taemin had kept him at arm’s length ever since his arrival. Jonghyun could only guess his reasons, and that made it twice as unbearable for him. Had Taemin decided against immortality after all? Would he turn Jonghyun down? Now, after everything? Why did the thought suddenly have his insides twisting into the tightest knot? After all, _he_ was the one who wanted Taemin to consider his options, _he_ was the one who had hesitated.

Taemin stepped away, the lighter disappearing in his pocket again. He leaned his back against the railing and crossed his slim legs, flipping his hair. He glanced around, eyes kind of glazed over.

“Nice view.”

“... thanks,” Jonghyun tried smiling despite his insides churning.

“I meant the _actual view_.”

It wasn’t a dig, really. More like an oblivious correction.

Still, it stang.

“Nice house, too.” Monotonously. “Is it yours?”

Jonghyun hesitated. Then his nerves got the best of him.

“Yeah, technically. It’s been, uh... given to me recently and I haven’t really gotten around to, uh… yeah. I-it’s mine.” He stumbled through his sentence.

“Very bling.” A lengthy pause. “A little remote.”

“You like it? Like... actually like it?” Too quick.

Taemin didn’t respond.

“I mean I can change everything, the whole place if you like, get new stuff, anything you wa… ” Jonghyun’s voice trailed away as his brain caught up with his mouth. He blushed, ashamed of himself, but Taemin wasn’t even looking. He didn’t seem to be listening, either.

_You left me._

Silence.

Jonghyun tried to clear the lump in his throat.

The sound of Taemin inhaling, then exhaling slowly. Smoke filling the air. Inhale. Exhale. In. Then out.

In. Out.

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Too long.

“So. How you been?” Jonghyun tried, and immediately felt stupid, but whatever the hell.

Taemin said nothing at first, just kept staring out into the distance. He seemed lost in thought.

“Is that the city lights?” he finally spoke, looking past Jonghyun, sounding only remotely curious.

“Uh… yes,” Jonghyun sucked his lower lip between his teeth, watching Taemin, waiting.

“It’s not that far, is it.”

When Taemin said nothing more, Jonghyun decided to go with, “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Hm?”

Jonghyun bit his upper lip this time. Patience now.

“How’ve you been, Taemin-ah?”

Saying his name like that caused some unrecognizable emotion to ripple across Taemin’s face. Jonghyun tensed. But then Taemin just said,

“Good.”

“You look tired.”

“Been a long day.”

_I haven’t slept since._

“Oh. Right. Of course.” Jonghyun cleared his throat again. “Tell me about it?”

Taemin’s eyes turned slowly, slowly to his. He really did look very tired, if not downright exhausted.

Taemin put out his cigarette and dropped the remains over the railing. He went for another one straight away, lighting it, inhaling deep, never breaking eye contact. Jonghyun shivered at the strange, heightening intensity of Taemin’s stare.

“What’s to tell. I got up. I did stuff. Then your driver called.”

Dead end again. Taemin clearly didn’t want to talk. But Jonghyun did, and he couldn’t let things get any more awkward. So he kept going with the first topic he could think of.

“Did, um… was there any trouble?” he asked, anxious, brushing a hand through his pitch black hair. All his clothes were black as well, as per usual. He couldn’t help it. Any other color just made him look sickly and weird now.

Taemin formed a perfect “O” with his mouth and blew out three consecutive rings of smoke.

“Nope. He just picked me up with a ‘good evening, sir’ and dropped me off with a ‘have a good night, sir’.”

 _Your fucking_ driver _._

Jonghyun swallowed, scared to elaborate on his question, but he had to.

“Rrright... But what I meant was, uh, did you -- you didn’t run into ummm... _anyone_? While I was away?”

_You left me. I hate you for it._

“Mm,” Taemin hummed, nonchalantly, a stark contrast to his keen, almost feverish eyes.

Jonghyun’s jaw tightened.

“What’s that supposed to mean. That you ran into no one? Someone?”

“I don’t know.”

“ _Taemin..._ ”

_I really should hate you more. I shouldn’t even be talking to you._

“I was followed. Once or twice I think.”

 _Followed._ Jonghyun’s mouth dropped open in slight shock but he closed it again quickly, struggling to keep his composure, balancing between anxiety and frustration. So caught up with himself that he missed the anticipating look on Taemin’s face, the subtle challenge in his demeanor.

“Where.”

A shrug.

“ _Where_ , Taemin?” Jonghyun pressed, frustration taking over now, his anxiety edging on anger.

Taemin threw his half smoked cigarette over his shoulder and lit yet another one. He shifted his weight. The air between them grew thicker and thicker.

_You don’t know the half of it. I felt like a fucking pawn in some weird game and it was hella scary and you left me alone with that shit._

“I don’t know, just out there. On the streets. At this club I went to.”

Jonghyun’s vision blurred, if only in the slightest. All he could think of was _that had not been him._ He’d secretly kept watch over Taemin as much as he could. But at a club? No. Definitely not him. Shit. This was… not good.

“Interesting,” he clenched his jaw again, biting the insides of his cheeks, going through names and faces in his head. He could think of a few.

Taemin expected something more to follow, but Jonghyun only stared blankly, disappearing in his head. He felt disgusted.

_Two weeks of radio silence and then you have your driver call me like you’ve forgotten how to use a fucking phone. You have me brought here like I’m your property. Like you can just put me on the shelf and pull me out again whenever you feel like, take me for granted. And not even a sorry. Not even a…_

“And I may have spoken with someone.”

Jonghyun’s eyes darted back to Taemin.

“What?”

“Maybe flirted a little.”

The eyes fixed on Taemin turned dark.

“You’re… joking, right.” _Right?_ Jonghyun forced out a nervous chuckle, but his nails dug into his palms, and now his stomach was turning again. He felt sick at the idea of someone else --- he couldn’t even finish he thought.

_You left me. You FUCKING left me AGAIN. But I’m done arguing with you. And I can’t do brave much longer. I really can’t. I did it for over a year._

It was Taemin’s turn to shiver. His cool and collected front began to crack.

He pulled himself together.

“Jealous?” Taemin cocked an eyebrow, and then added the slightest, resentful smirk.

Jonghyun’s entire body went stiff and he seemed to grow taller somehow. He shot Taemin a murderous look. “Don’t get cute with me.” No, he wasn’t jealous. He was flat out possessive.

“Mmmh.” Taemin’s lips curled into a bitter smile. It was painful and he was too worn out. But somehow he managed.

 _I hate you. I_ want _to hate you._

He pushed himself upright and walked the few steps up to Jonghyun, eyeing him a little wicked.

“I’m being serious, Taem. That’s too reckless, even for you.” There was a warning in Jonghyun’s tone.

_Look who’s talking._

Taemin took an extra long drag and blew the smoke softly at Jonghyun’s face. “Hyung _is_ jealous.”

Jonghyun couldn’t control himself any longer. “Wipe that smirk off your face,” he almost growled, his lips pulling back to bare his fangs briefly, involuntarily. He snatched the cigarette from Taemin’s fingers and put it out in one quick motion of his hand. He glowered at Taemin intently, and his grip on the thin wrist was maybe a little too firm _._ He knew he should have cared more about it but --

Taemin appeared completely unaffected by Jonghyun’s outburst and just flashed him his most radiant smile.

“You should be. I really am worth a lot.”

Stars were glistening in his eyes, and Jonghyun steeled himself for more devious words, but Taemin simply looked at him, so sincere it almost hurt. _What in the name of…_

Time seemed to slow as Jonghyun stared back, confused, unable to avert his eyes. _How can you look at me like that all of a sudden, you’ve just basically convinced me that you hate me._ He felt the knot in his stomach start to unravel. _Why are you so beautiful. Why can’t I ever refuse you._

“You’re impossible, Lee Taemin.” Jonghyun shook his head, and couldn’t help but smile back at him, his anger and all his worries already melting away. _Of course_ he was joking. At least about the flirting part. This was _Taemin._

 _His_ Taemin, still. Shining, smiling at him. Standing right there in front of him.

Out on a whim, Jonghyun lifted a hand to pinch the soft, pretty cheek. Such an intimate, familiar gesture.

The stars glistened even brighter, and then suddenly fell down Taemin’s face.

_\- what now_

Somehow Jonghyun had done that to him. And he didn’t know why, but his heart began to ache so bad, more for Taemin’s than his own sake.

“Oh… what is it… ” he asked, baffled, his voice softening. Without a thought he slipped his hand to the back of Taemin’s neck, stroking it soothingly - another familiar little thing - but that only made things worse.

Taemin’s smile twisted and disappeared altogether.

It was like a light had gone out.

And then he collapsed against Jonghyun’s chest and started sobbing. Out loud.

“Wh… what’s wrong? Tell me, please…” Jonghyun tried again, feeling his throat close up, afraid to move or do anything so as to not trigger anything worse with his touch than he already had. But Taemin had no more words. He just wept harder, shoulders twitching, clinging to Jonghyun, shaky and small.

 _i can’t hate you i can’t and_  
_just can’t be brave anymore_  
_don’t leave me again please i can’t_  
_not without you_  
_don’t go_  
_please  
_ _don’t let me go_

His skin was hot under Jonghyun’s fingertips. So hot. Burning Jonghyun up from the inside.

“It’s alright… everything’s going to be... alright.”

Not knowing what else to do Jonghyun scooped Taemin up gently, lifting him off the ground and into his arms; so light, so tiny and frail in his hold. A wounded angel.

He let Taemin bury his face in his neck and wet his collar with his tears as he carried him inside. Across the lofty living room and through spacious hallways, and into his bedroom. With one hand, he pushed the door almost shut behind them and dimmed the lights to a soft glow.

He lowered Taemin on the bed and climbed in after him, wrapping his arms around him and keeping him close. He kissed the top of his head, his forehead, his cheeks. Wiped away his tears, over and over again, waiting for the thing to pass, whatever it was.

“Tae… _baby…_ ” Jonghyun nuzzled into Taemin’s hair and took comfort in the scent, heart suddenly bursting from being allowed to be so close to him again.

It took a while before Taemin could calm down. When the sobs no longer shook his body and his tears had run dry, he lifted his eyes to Jonghyun’s. He looked lost.

“I don’t like crying,” he said quietly, lowering his eyes again as if ashamed. “Please don’t make me.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” Jonghyun stroked his hair and planted a few more kisses on his face.

Then he reached for some tissues and offered them to Taemin, who accepted them with a shy, grateful look. He blew his nose very thoroughly and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and when he was done he curled up in Jonghyun’s arms, pulling his legs to his chest. Still very quiet, so very, very small.

He’d lost weight, Jonghyun realized. The jawline was so sharp, fingers bony, and he could feel ribs poking out through the fabric of his shirt. And the dark circles under his eyes weren’t that subtle either.

There weren’t a whole lot of things in this world that made Taemin not eat or sleep.

_Please don’t make me._

Holding his beloved to his unbeating heart, Jonghyun finally allowed himself to free-fall through his hopes and fears.

Maybe it had been a mistake to leave Taemin. But he needed the time. To think.

_Who? Who needed time?_

Those eyes, so big and inquisitive, now looking up at him again. The small hand, scrunching a bunch of tissues into a ball. Jonghyun pressed his lips to Taemin’s and kissed him as softly as he could, holding back his own tears.

_I’m sorry._

Kissed and kissed him. Pulled him tighter. Closer. So warm against his cold skin; so responsive to his touch, to his mouth. Deep and tender and longing. He broke away only to look at his face again, to see if he was truly ok.

Taemin just stared at him, slowly batting his eyes, still a little red at the corners. Then he bit his lower lip.

“Kiss me again, hyung. _Please_.”


	5. Requiem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When Taemin pushed him down to change positions Jonghyun obliged, broken and sore. He watched as Taemin settled in his lap, as he leaned back and planted his left hand on Jonghyun’s right thigh and began moving, his rhythm tantalizing, taking Jonghyun in deep, locking eyes with him. His other hand found Jonghyun’s and their fingers laced together. Taemin sighed, smiling, blissed out as he rode him. Tiny strings of blood flowing down his neck, over his chest. The sight of it too much for Jonghyun._  
>     
>  _ _“Love you.”_ Taemin’s voice was light as air, his smile trickling into the words._
> 
> _He needed but ask and Jonghyun would give him the world. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playing on loop: Enter Shikari - Interlude (The Erised Remix) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxpWbuT13OU)

Jonghyun smiled down at Taemin. _Too adorable._

He leaned back in, trying to be even softer. But Taemin lifted his head and met him halfway, pressing their mouths together, so rushed all of a sudden. And then Jonghyun felt Taemin’s hand sneak into his hair and his tongue slide along his lips, asking for permission.

“Taemin-ah… “ he began, still wanting to go slow.

Taemin used the opportunity to push his tongue right in, and then he was sucking on Jonghyun’s, breathing him in, pulling him into it. Jonghyun couldn’t refuse. He pushed back, and soon enough they were fighting for dominance, tongue and teeth, lips starting to swell up. Fingers tangling in hair. Bodies aligning. If he was really getting into it now, it was all Taemin’s fault…

Taemin’s, who was already sighing, almost whining into his mouth, and Jonghyun felt the familiar jolt of desire in his spine, traveling down to his crotch. He hummed at the sensation. The change of mood was affecting him, and quick too, and he started wanting things. Wanting Taemin. _Now._

He shoved Taemin back down on the bed.

“Hyung…” Taemin breathed, face flushed, chest heaving. Hazy and lost.

_Angelic. Perfection._

“Mmm… ”

Jonghyun just stared at Taemin for a while, smiling, taking him in. Then he threaded their fingers together and pinned Taemin’s hands down gently. He kissed his way from the shell of his ear along his jawline to his throat, and then dragged his tongue down and over the collarbones, causing Taemin’s breath to hitch. He tormented himself, letting his fangs ghost over the delicate skin very quickly before returning to Taemin’s mouth.

Their kisses grew rough, getting long and messy and deep and then deeper, and when he felt Taemin was out of breath Jonghyun pulled up and pressed their lower bodies together and rutted his hips, and the _sound_ that escaped from Taemin’s lips…

Jonghyun rose to his knees, letting go of Taemin’s hands and dragging his fingers down his sides, all the way to the waist of his jeans. His voice came out low and a little strained.

“I want you.”

Taemin whimpered quietly, hesitating all of a sudden. He knitted his brow and opened his mouth in protest, but then his breath caught in his chest as he felt Jonghyun’s hand brush against his cock. The other hand joined in, thumbs curling under the waistband of his briefs, sliding over his protruding hip bones, teasing him. It was all happening so fast, too fast, and he wanted it fast but ---

_I thought I’d never have this again. I thought I’d never have you. Ever again._

And now the thought of having Jonghyun was suddenly unbearable, already crushing his throat and squeezing at his heart.

He propped himself up on his elbows. “Hyung, I… “

Jonghyun’s shirt was off. The lights were low but Taemin could see every muscle, every curve and shadow of his upper body. Arms. Chest. Stomach. Everything. Taemin went from half to full hard so fast, blushing bright pink. And he just _knew_ Jonghyun could see and feel it all, and.

_Fuck._

His eyes found Jonghyun’s. Dark. Shadowed. Half hidden by strands of blackest hair. And Taemin couldn’t look away when Jonghyun began removing his shirt in turn, pushing it up, over his shoulders and head. He threw it on the floor.

_Fuck oh fuck oh fuck._

And then there were cool fingertips worrying his nipples, wet tongue on his neck, lips sucking on his earlobe, teeth grazing his flesh. _Jonghyun’s. freaking. fangs._ Dragging across his chest, over his stomach, lower and lower and --

It had been _so_ long. Taemin felt all kinds of shy and covered his face, peeking at Jonghyun through his fingers. He wanted to cover up _everything_ , especially from his waist down, but then again he didn’t. And the next thing he knew was Jonghyun’s fingers undoing his buttons, hooking into his his jeans and briefs and pulling them off all the way.

_Oh my friggin god. We’re going to. Is this really happening?_

His limbs went numb and his head fell back and his eyes fluttered shut and his cock twitched and it was all too much and he couldn’t breathe.

_This is really happening._

_I am a mess._

“Jonghyun…”

“Right here, baby.”

Taemin’s head was spinning but he could sense the bed dip slightly as Jonghyun shifted. And then there was a muffled thump, like more clothes hitting the floor, and soon after that a tiny click and a faint scent, and he recognized it and... _Oh god. oh my god._ Taemin let out a sob, still hiding behind his hands, eyes closed.

Jonghyun returned and positioned himself between Taemin’s legs, spreading them and pushing his knees up as he sank down. Then his hand was gliding along Taemin’s skin, coming up his inner thigh, fingers slick.

_Yes. No. Fuck -_

Taemin slammed his fist onto the mattress, grabbing a pillow and clutching it tight. He held his other hand to his mouth and bit the skin of his palm, smothering his cry as Jonghyun’s fingers traveled up until they were pressing lightly at his entrance.

“You’re so beautiful. So beautiful.” Jonghyun’s voice was rough and choked. “I missed you so much. I missed… touching you. Making you mine, hearing you say my name when...”

_I can’t_

Jonghyun slipped one digit inside, just the tip first, then a little more, going very carefully. He watched as Taemin furrowed his brow and smothered another moan, his body tensing up. He curled his finger and then moved it slowly, giving Taemin time to adjust before adding a second one. He planted small kisses on his thighs and slipped his free hand under him and lifted, rubbing Taemin’s waist and hips soothingly. When he began scissoring his fingers Taemin’s eyes rolled back, but he moved in sync with him.

_i cant i cant i cant_

As he added a third one Taemin’s other hand fell to his side, nails digging into the bed covers. He was shivering all over, sweat beading on his forehead and on his Cupid’s bow, his hair starting to come undone.

“Jonghyun… “ Taemin panted, looking up at him, eyes hooded. His untouched cock throbbed, so hard it hurt, and began leaking precum. Jonghyun groaned at the sight, and Taemin cursed under his breath. “Hyung, please… I need more,” he managed.

Jonghyun leaned down until his lips touched Taemin’s neck. Taemin froze, but Jonghyun simply kissed the sensitive spot just below his ear.

“How much more,” he mouthed against Taemin’s skin. Lips. Tongue. Teeth. _Fangs._

Taemin reeled from the sensation.

“How much… _Tell me._ “

Jonghyun’s fingers moved inside him, stretching him, going deeper. _Not enough._ Taemin squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his tongue.

“Tell me, baby. Anything. I’ll take you there,” the fingers curled just so, finding Taemin’s prostate, and that was way way way too much and he -

“You want me inside you, you’d do anything. You need it. Need _me_.”

_please hyung I can’t_

Jonghyun pierced the skin of Taemin’s throat, just barely, then pulled away immediately.

“ _Say it._ ”

Taemin was out of breath.

_I need you. I want you._

_I love you._

_Jonghyun. Jonghyunnie._

_please_

“Please _… everything."_

Taemin whined as Jonghyun’s fingers slipped out, but then he felt the head of his cock against his hole. _Can’t. breathe._ Jonghyun spread Taemin’s legs even wider apart, making him feel so exposed, and started pushing in slowly, slowly, _and god how it burned and he was going crazy already and_

“Jonghyun!“

Taemin whited out.

The feeling was overwhelming. Jonghyun shivered, easing into it, inch by inch, until he was fully sheathed inside Taemin. _Inside. Taemin._ It was just like before, and nothing like before. He hadn’t... since… memories threatened to undo him.

He wondered if it was as strange and different for Taemin; if he found Jonghyun cold as ice, because to him Taemin was searing, suffocating heat. All around him. Throbbing. Pulsating. So _fucking_ tight. Heart pounding like mad, calling to him.

Jonghyun pulled out, curbing his desire, lingering. Then pushed back in, pure torture, wanting Taemin to feel everything, feel it with him, watching him struggle under him, muscles clenching, eyes flashing at him, biting his lip so hard Jonghyun could smell the blood.

_Not yet._

He started a rhythm. Almost sluggish, grinding down slowly and thrusting deep into Taemin, wanting it to last and last. And Taemin was moving too, rutting up against him to meet his thrusts, wrapping his arms around him, clinging to him, whimpering and whispering his name.

“God, Tae… just to watch you take it… ” Jonghyun groaned, leaning down to get his mouth again.

Taemin moaned into it, _and that sound_ , fizzling down Jonghyun’s spine and causing the strangled desire pooling in his groin to explode all over his body, igniting his hunger… A few more thrusts, more powerful, sucking Taemin’s eager tongue, and then his vision was rapidly graying at the edges, and he broke the kiss and shot Taemin a dark look, and it was all the warning he could give before he bent down and sank his fangs into Taemin’s neck.

Taemin inhaled sharply, his body arching and then freezing in place. His heart skipped a beat, faltered, then fell back into rhythm so violently it made Jonghyun see black to the point where he almost fainted - _he didn’t know that could still happen to him -_ and then he tasted the blood. Tangy, heavy, rancid with fear, iron and ash on his tongue, setting him on another kind of fire. He drank with a predator’s intent, focused, long pulls, drowning himself in the dual ecstasy and rocking Taemin in his arms.

_Not. Yet._

So easy to forget himself; almost impossible to stop and withdraw. Jonghyun rested his forehead against Taemin’s chest, mouth dripping, painting the skin red, and just continued to pump into him. Listening to his ragged breathing and his racing heart, his wordless pleas and whimpers.

“It’s ok, baby… you’re ok. Trust in me.” He whispered, taking his time to regain his composure.

And then of all things he felt Taemin cup his hands around his face and pull him into a kiss, tasting his own blood, mouth so soft, licking Jonghyun’s lips clean.

So amazing. So unbearable. Taemin’s hips rolling steadily up against his, an instinctive, intoxicating rhythm. Wavy silvery white hair spreading out around his head like an aureole. And then Jonghyun saw the tears. Gathering in the lashes of Taemin’s closed eyes, gliding down his flushed cheeks.

His dead heart shattered to a million pieces.

When Taemin pushed him down to change positions Jonghyun obliged, broken and sore. He watched as Taemin settled in his lap, as he leaned back and planted his left hand on Jonghyun’s right thigh and began moving, his rhythm tantalizing, taking Jonghyun in deep, locking eyes with him. His other hand found Jonghyun’s and their fingers laced together. Taemin sighed, smiling, blissed out as he rode him. Tiny strings of blood flowing down his neck, over his chest. The sight of it too much for Jonghyun.

“ _Love you._ ” Taemin’s voice was light as air, his smile trickling into the words.

He needed but ask and Jonghyun would give him the world.

Slowly. Slowly. So incredibly hot. He could go on like this forever, watching Taemin on top of him, watching his head tilt back and his eyes flutter shut and his mouth fall open, hearing him gasp repeatedly as Jonghyun’s cock hit the spot inside him. Jonghyun felt his own need start to build up again, growing stronger, overcoming the pain in his chest as he watched those hips swivel and grind.

He lifted Taemin’s hand and guided it to his cock.

“Touch yourself, baby,” he said softly.

Taemin whimpered but complied, closing his fingers around the base, then sliding his hand up and over the tip, spreading precum down the shaft, hissing at the sensation. Jonghyun hummed, pleased with the easy obedience, as he continued thrusting up evenly. Watching Taemin pump his fist up and down his cock, blushing again, shuddering and bucking into his hand.

_So good._

Just one more thing to make it absolute perfection.

“Look at me as you do it.”

“Hyung…” Taemin drew out the word, insisting on squeezing his eyes shut.

“ _Look at me,_ ” Jonghyun demanded.

Taemin frowned, but then lifted his head and forced his eyes open. Meeting Jonghyun's, shy and innocent and yet just so fucking unchaste.

“Always loved watching you,” Jonghyun’s words came leisurely and with a low chuckle, but his hips jerked up and Taemin drew in a quick breath. He blushed ten shades darker but his hand began working faster, spurred on by the way Jonghyun was looking at him.

“That’s it. Keep going.”

“Jonghyunnie, I’m - “

“ _Harder._ ”

At this, Taemin moaned so needily that Jonghyun almost lost it and was forced to break eye contact for just a second, just a…

_\- so close._

Taemin dug his fingers into Jonghyun’s thigh and began fucking himself on his cock that much harder, angling and snapping his hips, impatient, chasing after more of that divine friction. Stroking himself, gripping his length tighter, short breaths, going rough, fast.

He could taste it now, so close, _fuck_ so close, thick and swollen, his whole body lighting up, burning white hot.

“Hyung... _please…_ “ he begged, fumbling. _Gonna cum._ Then he gasped again as Jonghyun sat up abruptly, removing his hand from his cock and twisting it behind his back, grabbing him by the hair.

He almost screamed when Jonghyun pulled his head back harsh, fangs bared.

“Don’t come yet. Hold out... just a little longer,” his voice was husky and his eyes hypnotizingly black. “Can you do that for me, baby..?”

Taemin mewled, panting, unable to speak, pain only adding to his pleasure. He knew there would be more of it. He pressed his lips together and nodded twice.

“Good... ”

Jonghyun let go of his hair and guided him down on the bed, supporting him with his free arm, until he was on top again.

Jonghyun pressed one hand loosely on Taemin’s neck and thrusted into him steadily, holding his gaze. He caressed the skin first with his fingertips, then applied more pressure until Taemin swallowed against his palm once, twice, and then he dragged his fingers over the wounds, using his nails and teasing them open, a string of curses spilling from Taemin's lips as he winced and writhed under him, clenching around his cock, climax suspended, holding on for dear life.

Jonghyun’s hunger was roaring within him, his need escalating fast, all the slick tightness and the crazy heat becoming too much for him, and he could _feel_ Taemin’s heart under his hand, thudding like it was about to explode in his chest, the sound ringing in Jonghyun’s ears, blinding him.

“ _Jesus Christ, Tae_ … “ he groaned, drawing back and plunging in again. More. All of it. All of him. In response Taemin whined, high-pitched and constricted, and wrapped one leg around Jonghyun’s waist, heel digging into his back, and Jonghyun drove into him so hard he pushed him up the bed.

Again. Again. Both moaning, bodies sliding together, tangled and sweaty, hair sticking to face and neck, smudged crimson staining the sheets, the air in the room so close. And then Taemin’s hand landed on Jonghyun’s, squeezing like he wanted to crush it, and he brought it to his mouth and slipped two fingers in and sucked on them like he’d done the night Jonghyun had given him his blood. Staring up at Jonghyun as his head hit the cushioned headboard roughly, the look on his face beyond desperate, tearing up again for being filled so perfectly, sucking hard then biting harder and god _fuck_ that was it.

Jonghyun tugged his hand free, fingers popping out of Taemin’s mouth with the crudest sound. He wrapped them around Taemin’s cock, throbbing like mad, dragging a cry from his abused, saliva-coated lips, “ _Hyung please, please, please…_ ” Jonghyun pulled almost all the way out before slamming back in and continuing to thrust even more forcibly, his hand assuming the same rhythm, fast and hard and solid, until Taemin’s eyes rolled back and he lost his ability to speak, lips moving wordlessly, still pleading for mercy.

_Jonghyun hyung please_

Jonghyun pressed his mouth against Taemin’s neck, on the main artery.

“Yes, baby… _come for me now_ ,” he whispered, and all it took was just one more sharp flick of his wrist and a deep roll of his hips, and Taemin was coming harder than he ever had, a raw, broken moan tearing his throat, back arching off the bed, hot ropes of cum shooting all over his stomach and Jonghyun’s hand, his entire body shaking as his orgasm ripped through him and burned the world away.

And Jonghyun growled and went for his neck once more, latching keenly onto the new wounds, feeling Taemin’s heart fight it, fight _him_ all the way like it was supposed to do, thrusting into him harder, faster, losing control, losing himself, and then he was coming too, unloading inside Taemin, his every muscle convulsing.

Taemin’s nails driving into his back until he, too, bled.

 

 

Jonghyun swallowed slowly, savoring each mouthful, moaning faintly as they rode it out together. Holding Taemin as he sobbed quietly, touched out and shaking.

Finally he withdrew, already aching for more, head spinning. He lay with his face flush against Taemin’s heart, lips almost touching the skin. One thirst quenched, one only growing. Counting the wounds; there were so many. He was still lost in his post-orgasmic haze when he realized Taemin was trying to speak, barely audible. He lifted his heavy head.

Taemin looked so pale and ethereal, like he’d fallen out of a fairy tale. Breathtaking. His fingertips were so tender on Jonghyun’s cheek as he struggled to stay awake, to form words. Jonghyun shuffled until they were face to face. He smiled down at Taemin, leaning into his feathery touch.

“What is it, angel… what do you need… ” Jonghyun asked gently, though he must look anything but, the blood of his lover still staining his lips.

Taemin batted his eyelids, fighting the sweet oblivion that threatened to swallow him.

“Don’t stop… now. I’m… ready,” he breathed.

A shiver ran through Jonghyun. He propped himself up on his arms and opened his mouth to say something, anything to argue against that, but then he saw Taemin’s eyes.

He searched them. Long and hard. Nothing there that he hadn’t seen before.

_I want to be with you. Take me with you._

Jonghyun felt like melting and collapsing at the same time.

“Tae… “

Taemin just looked at him.

_All the way._

There was no fear in his weary gaze. No doubt. Only the devastating certainty of someone who knows their heart and will not deny it.

_I want to, Tae. I do. But it’s not that simple._

This was it, and again Jonghyun hesitated. But he knew already, deep down, that no matter how long he’d wait, there would never be a right time. Such things rarely existed anyway. And this wasn’t about him, it was about Taemin.

Taemin, whose eyes were looking right into his soul, waiting.

Jonghyun shook his head. He had a thousand questions and more, so many things to say, but all that would have to wait. They were dealing in absolutes now; Taemin had made his choice back on the beach all those nights ago. Maybe even before that, before he ever knew there would be a choice.

_Besides. It’s not like I could refuse you. I never could. I’d never want to._

Still, it made him want to cry.

“It’s alright, Jonghyunnie… I’ll be alright.” Taemin whispered to him then, as if he could hear his thoughts, feel what he was feeling.

Jonghun stroked Taemin’s face with a shaky hand, tucking a strand of damp hair behind his ear, smoothing away the worry on his forehead. Watching the stars glisten in his eyes. This time he would catch them when they fell.

 _I_ will not _be without you. Ever again._

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“Now, and after. Always.” Jonghyun was unable to hold back his own tears any longer.

A luminous smile spread across Taemin’s face, reaching his eyes, lighting up the night and shining down on the ruins of Jonghyun’s heart.

Jonghyun pressed his lips to Taemin’s one last time.

 

Then his fangs pierced the skin of Taemin’s throat.

One last time.

  
  



	6. Aeternum/Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The two of them out there alone again, all night, roaming around the city. Speeding down an open highway, blowing out his car speakers. Laughing together… Stopping in the middle of nowhere to make out, touching too much, driving back all messed up and horny, Taemin teasing him like the brat he was, and finally - finally…_

“I used to talk to it, you know.”

Jonghyun blinked drowsily, reluctantly abandoning daydream mode and coming back to here and now... kind of. Two seconds and he was drifting back into his thoughts again, but then there was a slight ruffle of fabric and a shy nudge of a shoulder against his, followed by his favorite voice in the whole world.

“Like, almost every night.”

_Taemin._

Jonghyun smiled and turned his head to his right, just to see him. Just to look upon his face; the beautiful shape of his nose; the cute curve of his lips; that sharp chin. Dark, pondering eyes, staring up at the stars. Jonghyun’s caught the furrowing of his brow, just barely there.

Behind him, the empty mall parking lot seemed to go on and on, gradually fading to black until engulfed entirely by the night.

Jonghyun shifted, rolling to his side. He pulled Taemin into his arms, snuggling up to him, close as he could get. He’d turned off the engine a while ago and the hood of his car was slowly cooling beneath them, and even though huddling for warmth was pretty much futile he still enjoyed the idea of it, the familiarity.

It was the small things that made all the difference.

“Hm?” He scattered a few tiny kisses on Taemin’s forehead. “Talk to what, babe?”

“The moon,” Taemin let out a quiet sigh and relaxed awkwardly into the embrace, sweater paws clutching at Jonghyun’s chest, fingertips peeking out of the sleeves to curl into his shirt.

Oh.

Jonghyun glanced up. It was there, only a crescent now. But if he squinted, he could discern the entire round shape of it, shadowed by the Earth.

“Huh.” He brushed some of the white, overgrown bangs away from Taemin’s face. _Dandelion fluff._

“I used to pretend it was you.”

_Oh._

Taemin squirmed around for a moment, trying to get comfortable. Jonghyun waited. Finally he stilled, and then spoke again.

“Made me feel. Sometimes. Like you could hear me.”

Jonghyun swallowed. This… stuff. Coming out of Taemin slowly, every now and then, bits and pieces at a time.

“It’s ok. It was just a thought. I’m ok now, really, I am,” Taemin continued before Jonghyun got the chance to speak, and then buried his face in his neck and sighed again. He shivered slightly but wiggled closer.

Jonghyun wrapped his arms tighter around him, feeling his legs entangle with his own. He really wanted to say something, but he knew he had to let Taemin get it out of his system at his own pace.

Knowing that didn’t make it any easier. But he’d do anything, _anything._ For him.

 

A moment passed.

Then another.

 

No more words.

 

Just soft, slow fingers fiddling with the collar of his jacket. Ghosting over his skin, entwining in his hair.

 

“Are you cold?” Jonghyun finally asked when Taemin shivered once more.

“Mm?”

“Cold?”

“Mm.”

“I can turn the engine on again..?”

Taemin snickered. “What for?”

Yeah… well. Old habits and shit.

“Do you hate it?” Jonghyun pressed a kiss on the top of Taemin’s head before lifting a hand to pet his cheek.

“Mmhhh…. hate what?” Taemin mumbled, leaning into Jonghyun’s touch. His skin felt icy, even to Jonghyun, which was a little odd.

“The cold. That uh. Comes with -- because we, we’re -- uhmm…”

“Yes?”

“ _...y’know._ ”

“Still can’t say it can you.” Taemin kissed him in turn. Jonghyun heard the amusement in his voice, felt it in the crooked smile against his neck. Oh well. At least he'd made him smile again. But then there was the light press of Taemin’s fangs... and Jonghyun’s skin prickled instantly, and all of a sudden his head was filling with all kinds of feelings and ideas and… yeah. Mostly just _feelings_. And _memories._

_The two of them out there alone again, all night, roaming around the city. Speeding down an open highway, blowing out his car speakers. Laughing together…  Stopping in the middle of nowhere to make out, touching too much, driving back all messed up and horny, Taemin teasing him like the brat he was, and finally - finally…_

_Heck._

Another impatient nudge on his shoulder. Right. What was he saying? The V word. Oh _fucking heck._

Jonghyun blushed. Bright crimson, most likely. He cleared his head and his throat.

“I, uh. Sure. I. Can. It’s just - “

“ _Weird._ I know. But you’re so cute when you try, for me.” Taemin laughed softly, his small hands tugging at Jonghyun’s shirt, one finger poking. “Do you hear? You’re cute, Kim Jonghyun.”

“And you’re a fucking icicle.” Jonghyun hid his smile in Taemin’s hair. “Did you not have enough or something? Should we go back for some more, hm?”

“Nah, ’m good,” Taemin said, sitting up on the hood, stretching his arms. Sparks danced in his eyes as he turned to shoot Jonghyun a little look over his shoulder.

 

~

_When Taemin died, Jonghyun died with him. He held him through it, consoling and reassuring him that everything would all be alright; he sang to him quietly even though his own tears kept flowing unchecked._

_And in the small hours, when it was done and Taemin woke to the same dark world as he, Jonghyun thought he just might die yet again._

_The transformation was incredible and so complete he suddenly felt very clumsy and awkward, strikingly at a loss. Because somehow Taemin hadn’t lost his light. On the contrary, he appeared translucent and glowing; white waves of hair framing his face like a halo; eyes reflecting a spectrum of hazy purples and luscious violets. A fallen angel, Jonghyun thought, he’ll bring_ anyone _to their knees._

_But that was only the half of it. Whereas Jonghyun still carried all the pain and loss of his mortal life and felt the weight of death every step of the way, Taemin’s shadows - whatever they were - seemed lifted. Or, more like he was one with his dark side. He immediately adapted to his new existence and embraced the night gracefully, unfolding to it like a strange flower. Like he knew some deep secret._

_He was still Taemin, though._

_Endlessly curious and fascinated, yes, just like Jonghyun had always remembered him and what he absolutely loved about him. Soft and kind and caring at heart, when in private. But a total brat, nonetheless. Immature and impatient, insensitive and irritating. Moody and pouty and high maintenance and you name it._

_Getting them in all kinds of trouble, all the goddamn time._

_Impossible to live with but even more so to live without._

 ~

 

Fangs dragged down Jonghyun’s neck.

There, then gone again as quickly as they’d appeared.

"...Taemin?" he gasped.

Now lips.

Soft, cool lips. Closing around his earlobe, sucking lightly. Then tongue, flicking behind it, teasing with intent. Teeth, tugging at the short hair on the back of his neck until it bristled.

Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered shut, then snapped open again, refocusing on the road. Instead of getting even remotely horny he really, _really_ needed to concentrate on driving. A tall order, because he was suddenly impossibly distracted by the slow, wet mouth now traveling south, accompanied by slender fingers gently caressing his collarbones.

“Tae… ”

A firm hand in his hair, pulling his head back against the headrest. Then a purring sound, vibrating on his skin and inside his skull, making his whole body shudder and his mind go blank, his vision falter, the road ahead of him disappear and the car under him veer dangerously to the left --

“ _Taemin!_ ”

A dark chuckle against his throat. “What… ”

Jonghyun readjusted his hands, gripping the leather of the steering wheel so tight it creaked loudly under his fingers.

Somehow, he had a semi already. He glanced down swiftly, internally cursing his skinnies.

“I just…  really like this car, ok… ” he struggled to get the words out, catching a glimpse of the city lights fading in the rearview mirror. They’d be home soon. _Not soon enough._

“More than me?” That low, breathy voice, words melting into the sweetest kiss on Jonghyun’s neck, seeping into his skin; a hand now on his thigh, gliding up the inside of it, slow, inevitable. Reaching his bulge and brushing over it.

“Jesusfuckingchrist… ” His eyes were closing again, hips tensing, arching up and into the touch.

“You’re so easy.”

Within a split second from that Taemin’s fangs pierced Jonghyun’s throat, sinking deep, going straight for the jugular veins and tearing into his very existence with such hunger it shook his soul. Merciless, ravening, draining him fast and greedy. The hand on his erection pressed down harder and then _moved_ , fingers rubbing along his cock through his jeans, creating this crazy, stifled friction that was not even nearly enough, and he ached for more, _more_ , and his foot clamped down on the accelerator and his brain screamed at him and --

It took absolutely everything Jonghyun had, all his willpower and then some to prevent the vehicle from spinning out of control then, to avoid hitting the median or slamming into the guardrail to their right, brakes screeching like a Banshee, frantic hands clutching the wheel, knuckles white. He forced his eyes to stay open, furiously fighting back the urge to surrender to Taemin’s ruthless attack.

His body remembered mortality, the way his own heart used to beat. So real it was surreal how he could just feel it and hear it and _taste_ it, taste the fear: pulse quickening like mad, blood coursing through veins; that terrible, terrible pounding in his chest and in his ears; all this combining with an uncontainable _want_ , and then Jonghyun was feeling dizzy like he might actually faint soon, and he would have to muster his strength to push Taemin away now, right about fucking _now --_

But then Taemin withdrew on his own, collapsing back on his seat, panting, almost moaning.

Jonghyun’s mind reeled wildly but at least he could see straight again. Focus.

_…focus._

_Calm down._

_There._

The echoes of his heartbeat began to fade, but he still felt lightheaded. And the exhaustingly painful erection now seriously straining his jeans was more than a substantial distraction.

_This crazy fucking brat._

And then Taemin let out a little noise, this infuriatingly smug sound of contentedness that normally made Jonghyun’s temper flare up, but instead of the usual fiery sensation in his gut he just felt empty. Deprived. The wounds on his neck itched, already starting to close. _Please. Not so soon._ He swallowed and it hurt; shallow pain, and yet it lingered if just a little longer than usual. Taemin had gone too deep this time.

Not deep enough, apparently, because it made Jonghyun want more. _Need_ more. Not that he’d admit to it. Out loud.

“You know that’s going to cost you, right?” He flashed his eyes at Taemin, his voice sounding oddly ragged. Choked. Was he blushing again? No. Just feeling a little hot, having fed more than his fill for the night. It dawned on him that Taemin obviously hadn’t.

Out of all things, Taemin laughed. It just poured out of him like he couldn’t help it, soft and velvety and playful.

Hmm. No way. No. fucking. way. He actually… planned for this? _Ohh_. The kid would _so_ pay.

From the corner of his eye, Jonghyun saw Taemin lean forward to rest his arms against the dashboard and his head against his arms. He turned towards Jonghyun, just to make him look.

Of course Jonghyun looked.

Taemin sucked in a quick breath and blew the silvery strands away from his face. His violet eyes were flickering with delight. “I don’t think so.”

Jonghyun groaned, for some reason still trying to sound menacing even though he was biting back a smile.

Taemin smiled right back at him, bright, dazzling, and _just how could he manage that boyish innocence that made Jonghyun want to give and forgive him everything?_

The image shattered when next Taemin licked his bloodied lips. Very slowly. Making it absolutely impossible for Jonghyun to look away.

“I think you’re going to beg me _not to stop._ ”

 

Jonghyun just groaned again.

 

~

_Some things never changed._

_And maybe they shouldn’t._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, this last chapter took me way longer than I thought it would, bc I really needed to get it right and for a while I just didn't know how.  
> From here on out, I'll just do smutty oneshots, goddammit ^_^ I'm glad I was able to write the whole story though, and I hope you enjoyed it as well. Cheers! <3


End file.
